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Give me an R-rated joke	[NSFW] [LONG] A 5 year old boy is watching his dad work on the car with his neighbor Bob The boy asks "daddy, what does it sound like when bird sees another bird?" The father drops a wrench "tweet tweet tweet. I'm working junior." Father and Bob go back to working on the car. The little boy's eyes perk up. "D...
Just a little dirty humor	A world without women... ...would be a pain the ass.
What's your dirtiest joke?	A guy walks into a bar And sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, “What’s this about?” The bartender replies, “Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone’s drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?” The guy replies...
Share something adult please	Why did the sperm cross the road? Because you put on the wrong sock this morning.
Share a joke that's a little bit naughty and edgy	A man walks into church and sits in the confessional booth. The priest sits down and the man says, "Forgive me for I have sinned. I was golfing yesterday and I cursed." The priest replies, "Would you like to tell me what happened?" "Well," the guy says. "I was out on the seventh hole, and I'd just hit my best drive o...
Give me an obscene joke	If flossing is a pain in the ass you are doing it at the wrong end
Give me a joke that's a little inappropriate	The Tramps Holiday There was this tramp. One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake. Without a moment's hesitation he ran out onto the ice and slipped and slided over to a little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and ca...
Let's get a little filthy please	Can circumsized men ride bikes on the sidewalk? ..or do you have to be a complete dick..
A filthy laugh please	Heard the sperm bank gives $50 for your sperm. I have a sock in my room worth $3000.
Tell me something raunchy please	What does a bee say when it returns to it's hive? Honey, I'm home!
I could use a dirty joke please	A newly graduated doctor is assigned to a rural area, and after a few days he realizes that there were no women in the village, they were all men. After taking a bit of confidence he asks one of his patients that they did when they had the need for sex and the patient replied: That they went down to the river. The wee...
Give me your dirtiest joke please	Why do midgets always laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls.
What's your dirtiest joke please?	Confensual sex A couple had been married for 40 years, and decided for their anniversary they would go to the same spot they went on their honeymoon those 40 years ago. It was a nice little spot by a farm, with rolling hills visible in the distance. As they strolled down a path next to the cows, the husband smacked hi...
Tell me a joke with some spice please	A man thought his wife was losing her hearing A man thought his wife was losing her hearing. He was going to the doctor for a check up one day, so he decided to ask the doctor for advice while he was there. He said to the doctor, "Doc, I think my wife is hard of hearing. Sometimes when I ask her questions she can't hea...
Say an adult joke please	Mr. Pott was an average man, with an extraordinary skin condition One day Mr. Pott (legend says his first name was Arthur) went to the doctor to get his skin checked out. He said "Doctor, I have a very odd skin condition. Multiple times a day, my skin will puff up and get all red almost instantly, with no warning." Th...
Make it a naughty one	A pirate captain walks into a bar... ...with a peg leg, a steering wheel hanging from his pants, and a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender: "Excuse me Captain, but you have a steering wheel hanging from your pants!" Pirate: "Arrrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."
Give me a joke that's a little risqué	The Muslim Ban Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Muslims had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Muslim community. If the Muslims won, they could stay in Italy; and if...
Dirty joke request	An 85-year old man needs to give a sperm sample... [Long] An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's offi...
Tell me a joke that's a little bit suggestive	A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods The bear turned around and asked the rabbit, "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" "No" the rabbit replied. So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Tell me something raunchy please	I used to have diarrhea ...but then I got my shit together.
Naughty joke	There was a couple that was married 50 years They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the man said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the man said, "W...
Say something explicit	I would call Donald Trump a cunt but he lacks both depth and warmth.
Let's hear a filthy joke please	I think my cellmate was gay last time I went to jail His dick tasted like shit
Share a naughty joke please	Prison sex... It's con-sensual.
Let me hear a dirty joke please	What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns? One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired' EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all. He sends his regards...
Let's get a little filthy please	So Queen of Englad was bored and summoned an American, a frenchman and a russian... They gather at the palace. The queen says: "Bring me your greatest weapon!". And so they went and came back. The frenchman brought a pistol, the american - an assault rifle while the russian is nowhere to be seen. The queen got tired o...
Share a cheeky joke	How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Never mind, it's an obscure number you probably haven't even heard of before.
Share a naughty joke please	The Nun and the Uber Driver One night, an Uber driver picked up a nun. While he was driving, the driver started to laugh insanely. "Why are you laughing?" asked the Nun "Oh it's nothing." said the Uber driver "No really" said the Nun, "I won't mind" So the driver told her, "Well, it's really silly but I've always had ...
Say a dirty joke	So my wife walked into the room while I was having sex with my daughter...... I wasn't sure what she was more freaked out by, the fact that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus.
I want a dirty joke please	How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund: I can't ...
Tell me your favorite dirty joke please	Two teenagers snuck into a crypt at night. One tripped over a small bone and the other unashamedly laughed. Can't blame him though, it was a little humerus.
Give me an obscene joke	A guy dies and wakes up on a beach. Nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him. "Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me." he...
Whisper a dirty joke please	I lead a pretty rock n roll lifestyle I wake up stoned and roll out of bed
Just a little dirty humor please	A buddy of mine got sent to jail A buddy of mine got sent to jail and completely lost his shit as soon as he got there. 30-seconds in, he punched another guy, that guy went down, and a huge fight broke out. There was a lot of blood, a lot of swearing, and the whole time my buddy was just swinging wildly and shouting ab...
Give me a joke that's a little bit naughty and NSFW	How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to screw it in. One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination. One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination. One to suggest the whole “screwing” bit to be too “rape-like”. One to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as bei...
Share a joke that's a little bit naughty and grown-up	A severely obese man walks into a doctor's office to get his medical results. He waddles his way into the room before he manages to climb up onto the examination table. The room falls silent while the doctor reads through his file. "So we did your blood work and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this...but you have...
Share a bold joke	WARNING to all in the North Side of Chicago, there is a scam taking place! A scam is being pulled, mainly on older men. What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals an...
Let's hear a joke with some edge	What do you get when you cross a Hells Angel with a Jehovah's witness? They come to your door and tell you to fuck off
Tell me a joke that's a little bit naughty and saucy	A man is driving down the road and breaks down A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall as...
Got a dirty joke?	My husband almost gave me a heart attack when he said "I like my men like I like my coffee...." "and I fucking hate coffee."
Let's hear an R-rated joke please	My neighbors caught me watching them have sex through their bedroom window and told my parents. My dad made me apologize and told the couple I was normally above that type of behavior. I took the advice and started watching through the skylight.
Tell me a joke that's a little bit naughty and suggestive	The Toilet! My wife, Judy, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Judy was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, s...
Dirty joke request please	What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad? Frog said ribbit ribbit. The horny toad said rubbit rubbit
Tell me a joke that's a little bit naughty and adult	A cop goes up to the window of a car he's just pulled over Cop: "Any drugs or alcohol today?" Man: "No but I vape" Cop: "Look pal, I don't give a shit if you're gay, just answer the question."
Drop a joke with some spice	Early one morning a son goes up to his dad and asks "What's the difference between a cunt and a pussy?" Looking a little surprised the dad goes "Come with me and I'll show you" Takes him into his mothers bedroom where she still sleeps and lifts up the sheets. Dad : you see that, that's a pussy Son: can I touch it? D...
NSFW joke time please	My dad told me to wipe my computer before I sell it. I said, "Why?" He said, "Because there's cum all over it."
Give me an explicit joke	My girlfriend asked me if I'd ever been in a fight and I told her that I hadn't. "You're a pussy," she said. "I once sent a guy to hospital." I said, "We're talking about fighting, not cooking."
Tell me a really dirty joke please	Soviet joke Three men have to share a hotel room in Chelyabinsk during a congress. Naturally, in the evening, they start drinking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves telling political jokes. Concerns that any of the others may be KGB informants or that the room may be bugged are readily dissolved in a...
Tell me an explicit joke	First Day of School It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican immigrant, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his han...
Share a joke that's a little bit R-rated	I asked my wife if she wanted to try a new sex position called the 68. I asked if she wanted to try the 68. Wife: What's a 68? Well it's when you go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Give me a saucy joke	A man makes a bet with his boss He bets $500 that he can lick his eyeball. Laughing the boss agrees. The man takes off a fake eyeball and licks it. The boss angrily gives him the $500. The man then bets $500 he can bite his own ears. The boss pulls his ears to check if the man is wearing any fake ones, then agrees...
Tell me a joke with innuendo please	Is this subreddit a vaccum? because all the jokes suck.
I want a dirty joke please	What is 10 blocks long and never had sex? The line for the Nintendo Switch
Say something vulgar and funny please	A man asks the doctor "Can I take a bath with diarrhea?" Doctor:"If you could fill the bathtub with it, why not?"
Filthy joke now please	I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday... But all the little shit did was sit in his wheelchair and cry. PS:Not sure if this one has been on here before or not, a friend told it to me and I thought it should go here.
Give me an explicit joke	What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
Say the nastiest joke you've got please	I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!" but it didnt fly. Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings
Share a joke that's a little bit naughty and racy	A photon walks into a hotel with his luggage... The bellhop asks, "sir, do you need help with your bags?" The photon responds, "that's alright, I'm traveling light!"
Tell me an edgy joke	A concerned husband goes to his priest... "Father, I think my wife is trying to poison me. Every time she makes me something to eat, the rat poison bottle gets lighter and lighter." Troubled by hearing this, the priest tells the man, "I will go and speak with your wife and see what is going on here." The priest then ...
Tell me a spicy joke	Ray the chicken Ray the Chicken Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ray.' Ray was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Se...
Share a joke that's a little bit naughty and racy	I recently saw a video of a girl sitting on various fruit To me, that's fucking bananas
Hit me with a dirty joke please	Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure. The ground is covered in rabbit droppings. Johnny asks, "What are all of the pellets on the floor grandpa?" His grandpa replies, "Oh those? Those are smart pills. You eat them and you get smarter." Johnny ...
Say a dirty joke	Simple mathematics A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waitin...
Let's get inappropriate	Old School Friend I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now. He replied that he was currently working on: Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment I was impressed...... On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under ...
Whisper a dirty joke please	Alternative phrases to "Calm your tits" * Soothe Your boobs * De-stress your breasts * Undo the calamity that is your mammaries * adjust your bust before it combusts * Give that chest a rest * Hakuna your tatas * Dont have a rack attack * Bring peace to your bosoms
Got any jokes for grown-ups please?	do you understand your right breast is hanging out of your shirt A blonde was walking down the street. A policeman was walking the opposite way. "Hmmm," he wondered, "It looks as if that lady's right breast is hanging out of her shirt." As he got closer, he realized it was. He approched her. He said, "Ma'am, do you und...
Naughty joke	My wife just got back from her OB/GYN appointments. He told her she cannot have sex 6 weeks. I said, "That's fine but what did your dentist say?"
Make it a filthy one	I'm going to buy my Dungeon Master a goldfish So I can carp a DM
Dirty joke delivery	I saw my girlfriend shoving a calculator up her vagina. I said, "What the fuck are you doing? You look like you're in agony." She said, "It's what's inside that counts."
Don't hold back—tell me a dirty joke	My dog ran away this morning. I walked around the neighbourhood looking and calling his name for an hour but still couldn't find him. My wife said I should look harder, so I shaved my head and got a couple of tattoos. Still can't find the fucking dog....
A filthy laugh	Two nuns, Sr Mary and Sr Patricia, are driving down a dark forest road, late at night... When all of a sudden a vampire jumps out in front of their car. Sr Mary screeches on the brakes and says to Sr Patricia: "Quick! Get out and show it your cross!" Sr Patricia steps out of the car and yells "Oi! Get off the fucking...
Let's hear an R-rated joke please	The Story of Mike Doe! Hey, my name’s Mike Doe, and this is my story. I had a friend in college, my freshman roommate, who was always talking about his family. His name was Robert Gooding, and he must’ve had a family tree that started from Adam and Eve. Every single day he would drone on and on about some cousin or unc...
Tell me an NSFW joke	How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
Adult joke time please	How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Twelve: One to screw it in. One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination. One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination. One to suggest the whole “screwing” bit to be too “rape-like”. One to deconstruct the lightbulb itse...
Got any R-rated humor?	How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi I'm Joe and I eat ass.
Say a joke with edge	My friend looked at my pregnant wife and said: "I wonder if it isn't really hot in there, for the baby" I replied: "It's likely womb-temperature."
Share a saucy joke	What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wipe his butt.
Give me a saucy joke	Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US... Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US, one says "screw this line, I'm going to shoot Trump". He leaves for a while and then comes back to resume his place in line. The other guy says "so, did you do it?" He says "no, the line there was even longer tha...
Dirty joke request	Talking street A man walks up to a street. The street says to the man: "Hey!" The jumps in surprise as the street shouts at him once more. The man is puzzled. "Excuse me?" The man said. "I'm a talking street! I tell you when a car is coming!" "That's convenient," The man replied. The road told the man that ther...
Naughty joke	I hate to be a bad loser A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the Huron River Breast Stroke Championships. The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the ...
Let's make it spicy please	I jokingly told my friend I was gay... He's been fucking me in the ass for 3 months now and hasn't figured out the truth yet. Haha, I can't wait to see the look on his face!
Give me an explicit joke	Australians don't have sex Australians mate
Tell me a really dirty joke	What file format does Gordon Ramsay take photos in? FUCKING RAW!
Adult joke time please	In honor of the Bowling Green Massacre, wear a green ribbon . . . . . . or, perhaps more appropriately, some color you made up in your head.
Tell me a joke that's a little bit naughty and obscene	Stolen car A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", ...
Tell me a joke with some spice	Golf balls A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time...
Say an adult joke	I bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice things up in the bedroom with my girlfriend... ...unfortunately, it wouldn't fit inside her.
Say something naughty please	The Patriots are like a giant dick. Everyone that tries to take them on, ends up choking.
Say the nastiest joke you've got	The Ultimate Computer The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. One day, a guided school tour arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to a...
Tell me a joke with innuendo	An old grumpy lady gets in a bus. She hijacks the speaker and yells : "All of you that sit on the left side of this bus are assholes ! The ones sitting on the right are sons of bitches !!!" A man rise and answers : "Mrs. This is absolutely unacceptable, i'm not an asshole !" "**THEN GET ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU SO...
Share a joke that's a little bit naughty and sassy	Tommy's grandfather Miss Caroline's 6th grade world history class is taking a unit on WWII. The teacher said that if anyone had veterans from the war in their family, ask them to come to class and speak about their experiences. Some students felt they needed this to be a bit more with their time, so the teacher offered...
Make it a filthy one please	An English man, Irish man and Scottish man... Are on a plane and the pilot comes out and issues everyone a challange, "if you can guess where we are by sticking your hand out of the window ill give you 50 grand" the Scottish man quickly jumps up and sticks his hand out of the window "we are in Dundee" he guessed, the p...
Give me an inappropriate joke	A woman with no arms or legs.. Is crying on a bench at the beach, i approach her "hey honey, whats the matter?" i say, she looks at me tears streaming down her face "ive never had a man hug me" she says, so i sit next to her and giver a her a nice hug she again looks at me still very upset "i have never been kissed by ...
Say something explicit please	Difference between twins I've fucked a set of twins. People have asked me how hard it was to tell them apart, but it was actually quite easy. You see, Caroline was a redhead with an amazing pair of tits, And frank had a cock.
Tell me a joke with adult humor	I accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it also cost me a fortune in stamps.
Say something naughty	Wise Italian Grandfather An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You liss...
Share a naughty joke please	A girl is fucking her boyfriend. At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry" The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"
Got an adult joke please?	The Tramp's Holiday There was this tramp. One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake. Without a moment's hesitation he ran out onto the ice and slipped and slided over to a little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and c...
Tell me something naughty please	The Rooster So this farmer has a rooster named Fabio. The farmer walks out one day and Fabio is humping a duck The farmer looks over at Fabio and says " Fabio one of these days you are going to screw yourself to death" The next day the farm walks out and sees Fabio humping his goat's leg " Fabio one of th...
Make it a filthy one	I wonder why dogs get mad when you blow in their faces but as soon as you put them in a car they stick their head out the window.

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