Datasets:
Amirkid
/
redditjokes

Dataset card Data Studio Files
xet
 Community
1
text
stringlengths
1
40k
⌀
Because they have little anty-bodies.
...he goes out with a Bang.
And say it was an April fool's joke when they get rejected
Whose there? Corona. Corona who? Corona you! *Coughs in face*
My wife can come home from working in her dress and change into jeans and a flannel shirt it’s no big deal. When I come home from work and change out of my jeans and flannel shirt. It’s suddenly “we have to talk.”
The customer asks "Why do you have a spoon in your pocket?" To which the waiter replies "It's part of a new program to save time the restaurant is doing. If I drop a soup spoon, I can quickly replace it with the spoon in my pocket, and then switch the dirty one out next time I'm in the kitchen." The customer is visibly...
Which pub will you be drinking in ?
>!not like this !</ >! not like this not like this !</>! / not like this!< ​ >!not like this tooo!< .>!not like this also !<>!look somewhere else!< ​ >!Not like this either !< . >! not like this !<.>! not like this!<
He's really mean
Because he flu
I guess you can say the crack has been wiped out clean
Now he doesn't have to worry if he will experience coronation.
This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says: “Hey, want to grab something to eat later?” And she says: “Actually, I’m going to this party at 8pm ...
full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life. When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres. He didn't go on holiday to Spain, France ...
My teacher told him to put some books under it
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet ...
Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles? Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife? Scientist 2: or his husband. Scientist 1: so it’s a bi-polar bipolar b...
Wife in a very excited tone: "Babe! Babe! I'm pregnant you're going to be a father!" Me: "Ha! Can't fool me it's April Fools Day!" Wife: "Haha, got me, you're not the father."
The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two. The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating curre...
"Up and atom!"
He looks down and sees, "Mickey sucks" written in the snow in piss. He looks up and sees two people running away. So he calls the cops. After an investigation, a detective says to Mickey, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is we found out it was Goofy's urine. The bad news is, it was Minnie's hand...
**SIR:** May I come in doc? **DOC:** Yes sir you may come in. **SIR:** Can I get information about eye donation campaign that you are running. **DOC:** That is really great of you, do you know the estimated number of **people** visually impaired in the world is 285 million. **SIR:** Oh that is sad, I want to donat...
their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted. "My name is Joshua. What’s yours?" asked the first boy. "Adam," replied the second. "My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua. Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Joshua. "No, just the regular kind," r...
This is my last video
I guess it was time to lego
Who's there? "WHO." The band? "Nope." Shit!
Turns out they're in a covid-dependent relationship.
After almost a full day of trying to find their way out, they stumbled across a small house. The 3 young men decided to see if there was any way they could get any help, including some drinks and a meal. After knocking on the door, the ugliest, most wrinkly, stinkiest women answered the door. Man #1: “So sorry to in...
She's married to her husband for 17 years, has 13 children with him. He passes away, she marries again. This time, she and her husband are married for 23 years, and have 11 kids before he passes to the other side. One year later she gets called to Heaven. At her funeral, the Priest says, "Let us thank our Father in ...
Turtle-necks
Two scientists start an expedition to explore a deserted island. On the second day of their expidition, they ran into a group of indigenous, the natives bound the two scientists and bring them to their village. The chief of the tribal approaches and says „**DEATH or BUMM BUMM?**“. The two scientists look completly ba...
"why are you asking for a pay rise?" asked the madam. "Because i iron better than you." answered the maid. Silently fuming, the madam asked, "who said that?" "your husband did." Silent fuming intensifies. A bit daring, the madam asked again, "is that all you have to say?" "i cook better than you, madam." "who s...
Because she is in a midlife-crisis
Because they were no-mads
As it got more heated one began giving the other the silent treatment. “Oh yeah?” Said the other, “well toucan play at that game.”
​ ​ It was a booty trap.
Oh yeah, an online class was going on.
To read the second part please input your credit card information bellow.
He was a handless, handsome handfull.
You could say I've became a regular Tentin Quarantino.
.. and the police arrested me for fly tipping.
yousoearly
Because honestly, being ugly everyday sucks.
That's what Xi said.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Colour of eyes? Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never re...
So I replied wi
because it was dead.
You tell him that economy is suffering and he should sacrifice himself.
Suddenly the horse stops and speaks to him in perfect English: "Hey man this hill is too steep, can we go around it for once?" The man is completely bewildered and says "Holly fu*k, I've never seen a talking horse before" And the carriage is like "Wow, wtf, me neither".
Wait a second.........
The Big Bang.
Wait. It was the news on the TV.
a hentail
A candy baa.
Punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
So when they all return to port, they can Scandinavian.
And so Donald Trump promptly gives him a call telling him how stupid his plan is. They can't go to the sun; it's too hot! And so Kim replies, "We'll go at night!" And then Trump replies, "You fool! There is no sun at night!"
And the owner glares at him from behind the counter and says: "You'll have to leave. We don't sell fishcakes here."
At the farmacy.
The baker rolls his eyes and says "well, you did ask for a blue brie muffin."
Condensed milk
You can catch a cold.
He was dark, tall, and dyed his hair green at one point, hence the name. He was an army buddy. I woke up and looked over to him. There was something protruding from his blanket. I asked him about it. He responds. "It's just mornin wood."
A woman was pregnant and in labor with her only son, named Digorno. Her husband was waiting outside for her. Suddenly the doctor rushed in with good news. "We have good news!" "Is it delivery?" "It's not delivery, it's Digorno." And then they celebrated with pizza afterwards.
Knock knock Who's there Knock Knock! Knock knock who Knock knock knock knock knock on my door, knock knock knock knock on my door
well I guess we'll have to find out
One time I had a kid come over to my house and tell me that my house was small and boring. So then I told him that my house was small because I had an amazing secret basement full of games and toys that I never tell anyone about. This kid wanted to see it really badly at that point, so I told him to wait outside the ba...
Home
Sneeze on a rich person's face
Because they would eat all the bats
A Vietnamese phone book
Which is...
(Or 374 days, 7 hours and 3 minutes to be exact)
Asking for a friend.
She walks all over town trying to find a job for someone her age. She meets three men. The first man is short, stocky, and has a red beard. He offers her a job gutting fish. She wrinkles her pretty nose and says no thank you, I don’t like the smell. The second man has a purple jumpsuit on and black adidas. He offers...
It would have been funnier if he hadn’t been saying it for weeks now.
They unbox pussy
A violin has strings and a fiddle has strangs
Hispanic buying.
pasta, heros, rajahs, a coloratura, snipe, percale, macaroni, a gag, a banana bag, a tan, a tag, a banana bag again (or a camel), a crepe, pins, a rut, a Rolo, cash, a jar, sore hats, a peon, a canal... Panama.
Three friends Thomas, Arthur, and Frank die and go to heaven. When they reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets them and tells them that due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, God asked him to limit the number of people entering Heaven. The three friends were sad realizing that all three will not be together...
In your pants. (From my 5 year old daughter, now much older)
Pass the baa-aa-aah!
Crabs on your organ
2020(after March 31st): APRIL FOOLS!
It's the year of the bat...
You're a crappy spouse.
A preacher goes to a prostitute. After the deed when he is leaving, Prostitute : "Sir, money?" Preacher : " Are you kidding me, honey?, I will never take money from you for this."
in the Foreground!
Only two but you have to wonder how they got in there
A: Guess what, I got a girlfriend! B: Wow that's awesome! Who is she? A: Happy April Fools Day B: Dude... I think the joke's on you.
Due to the recent coronavirus crisis, April fools has been postponed to May 1st, 2020. Thanks for your cooperation.
Now say ‘April fools’ and let us get back to our lives, yeah?
I can't tell you how much it meant to me.
There once was a man who was always lost. He would buy a map at any cost. One day on a trip, he heard his map rip, so into a trashcan, he tossed. ​ He wandered and wandered with no aim. He started to think it was a game. But with no end in sight and quickly losing light, he started back the way he ...
If you have a grief nobody feels, If you have a pain nobody feels. If your heart is broken nobody feels, but if you fart all will understand.
"Of all the ladies at this party, you're average", he said. The woman replied, "You are mean". And he said, "No, you are".
Had a date last night Thought Id be careful though, I Wore a mask, gloves, BUT I GOT GONORRHEA! Forgot the condom -TM
Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST." So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one st...
She sat on Pinocchio's nose and screamed, " Lie to me! Lie to Me!"