Unnamed: 0 int64 0 10k | ID int64 1 232k | Joke stringlengths 10 200 | embedding stringlengths 5.86k 6.24k |
|---|---|---|---|
0 | 1 | [me narrating a documentary about narrators] "I can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm talking" | [-1.91903103e-03 -4.27360572e-02 -1.73044279e-02 -2.60622725e-02
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3.48877981e-02 6.31881133e-02 3.59841809e-02 9.22441762... |
1 | 2 | Telling my daughter garlic is good for you. Good immune system and keeps pests away.Ticks, mosquitos, vampires... men. | [-7.58715868e-02 6.58142567e-02 6.11177040e-03 6.64205700e-02
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2 | 3 | I've been going through a really rough period at work this week It's my own fault for swapping my tampax for sand paper. | [-9.45299566e-02 -3.16428468e-02 9.18900296e-02 5.92839494e-02
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3 | 4 | If I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive... ...I would choose alive. -B.J. Novak- | [-7.78767392e-02 2.35473756e-02 -1.01575874e-01 7.21505843e-03
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4 | 5 | Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks. | [ 4.89130914e-02 -8.60678926e-02 -4.18252721e-02 -4.70949598e-02
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5 | 6 | Why can't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box. Heyooooooo | [ 5.90367068e-04 -1.03991190e-02 -3.04288398e-02 5.18342387e-03
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6 | 7 | Why was the musician arrested? He got in treble. | [ 2.64874902e-02 5.65058291e-02 -7.94452353e-05 -5.50365336e-02
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7 | 8 | Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine? He had nothing left to chauffeur it. | [ 4.92554568e-02 8.68659914e-02 3.34565789e-02 -1.34603875e-02
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8 | 9 | What do you do if a bird shits on your car? Don't ask her out again. | [ 5.14082005e-03 2.74950378e-02 1.21217400e-01 -1.04753878e-02
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9 | 10 | He was a real gentlemen and always opened the fridge door for me | [-6.68509156e-02 9.31492001e-02 -2.78562233e-02 4.20260690e-02
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10 | 11 | Telling my daugthers date that "she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her." *Correct way to parent. | [-3.37885134e-02 4.17276956e-02 2.27410123e-02 8.80971458e-03
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11 | 12 | What should you do before criticizing Pac-Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes | [ 4.31008153e-02 1.01914011e-01 -1.63756460e-02 2.21716007e-03
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12 | 13 | What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and an autonomous robot...? Nothing... they were both made to steal American jobs. | [-1.48642417e-02 5.20865340e-03 -3.45796533e-02 -5.99749433e-03
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13 | 14 | What do you call a barbarian you can't see? an Invisigoth. | [-6.14608750e-02 1.62035059e-02 -6.93161041e-02 8.79638363e-03
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14 | 15 | How do you spell Canda? C,eh,N,eh,D,eh | [-2.70217657e-03 -1.94090754e-02 -8.26963186e-02 -7.31045455e-02
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15 | 16 | You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it? | [ 8.45719874e-02 3.01915221e-02 -2.29091533e-02 5.29229864e-02
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16 | 17 | What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the abortion clinic? Hasta last vista, baby. | [-1.83028374e-02 8.18362609e-02 -7.98206925e-02 7.72163123e-02
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17 | 18 | My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer... | [-4.22987156e-03 -5.59132034e-03 6.74223453e-02 4.67216447e-02
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18 | 19 | My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention! | [-7.94776808e-03 1.32040456e-01 9.44747478e-02 -3.67268547e-02
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19 | 20 | Thanksgiving joke What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky! Just kidding... Drugs. She eats drugs. -Adam Zopf @adamzopf | [ 2.65709460e-02 -3.46636376e-03 7.19351545e-02 -3.45588624e-02
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20 | 21 | Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? 'Cause they are freaking good at it | [ 6.41474128e-02 4.03615683e-02 1.16536930e-01 1.03603490e-01
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21 | 22 | How did the blonde die raking leaves? She fell out of the tree. | [ 1.72512829e-02 -5.37510123e-03 6.11876026e-02 1.38865203e-01
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22 | 23 | "That guy is such a douche-bag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!" women | [-1.40753796e-03 9.63429222e-04 4.70994040e-03 7.90448859e-02
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23 | 24 | My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond, all without my permission. I guess I'll deal with him later. | [ 3.51314470e-02 1.21254019e-01 -2.01082844e-02 -3.09126694e-02
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24 | 25 | What do you call a potato in space? Spudnik | [ 5.87505242e-03 -4.19053324e-02 -1.09750271e-01 -7.92028941e-03
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25 | 26 | How to get a cop's attention | [ 5.74241951e-02 1.81828551e-02 -3.64451632e-02 -1.19043384e-02
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26 | 27 | What happens to a necrophiliac after death? Reserection | [-1.53197236e-02 -4.54242378e-02 -3.48459482e-02 3.34861390e-02
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27 | 28 | Why did the chicken hold a seance? To get to the other side. | [ 4.83616604e-04 2.56779045e-02 7.92498421e-03 6.74894676e-02
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28 | 29 | Where do baby cows go to eat lunch? At the calf-eteria. | [ 2.52312850e-02 -2.18780693e-02 -1.54005468e-03 5.21620736e-02
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29 | 30 | What's the difference between a painting and Jesus. You only require one nail to put up the painting. | [-5.48754670e-02 1.08843632e-01 -3.78283300e-02 -6.99553490e-02
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30 | 31 | Mom: "Do you want this?" Me: "No." Mom: "Ok I'll give it to your brother." Me: "No I want it." | [-6.79046288e-02 2.03047231e-01 -1.36171747e-02 -9.96633805e-03
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31 | 32 | How do you fit 4 gays on one barstool? Flip it over! | [ 5.64790070e-02 3.09432819e-02 -3.50385010e-02 -3.08237206e-02
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32 | 33 | I am looking forward to 6pm Thanksgiving Day when Walmart opens its doors for its annual sale of trampled human corpses. | [ 4.74430434e-02 -1.89985279e-02 5.10561699e-03 1.18255634e-02
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33 | 34 | Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here." He leaves without resistance. | [-4.89451960e-02 -5.86252548e-02 -1.74324643e-02 9.78764147e-02
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34 | 35 | A guy pick up a woman Then he puts her down | [-3.29795815e-02 1.83111615e-02 -3.16418409e-02 4.04080339e-02
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35 | 36 | Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day. | [-2.05068737e-02 3.90913971e-02 5.32730035e-02 3.37834172e-02
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36 | 37 | Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers? Math hue. | [ 2.61737462e-02 6.60465211e-02 -4.15656008e-02 -6.24384955e-02
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37 | 38 | Ibuprofen is my favorite headache medicine that also sounds like a reggae professor. | [-4.15057354e-02 -6.33284748e-02 -5.75735942e-02 3.48071940e-02
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38 | 39 | Ted Cruz getting elected. | [-4.41605896e-02 1.15566719e-02 6.99371472e-02 3.56914811e-02
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39 | 40 | Before I destroy a wasp's nest I like to capture a single wasp and tell it my entire diabolical plan. | [-2.84606889e-02 7.72840902e-02 5.42984344e-03 -3.15383971e-02
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40 | 41 | What's Al-Qaeda's favorite American football team? The New York jets. | [-3.15577094e-03 -5.77982366e-02 -1.15805961e-01 5.79554075e-03
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41 | 42 | INTERVIEWER: Why do you want to work here? ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts. | [-3.84544358e-02 4.29514237e-02 7.08773732e-02 3.54951783e-03
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42 | 43 | Coming on valentines day. Fifty shades of grey. There won't be a dry seat in the cinema. | [-1.06273880e-02 4.01391741e-03 4.70798053e-02 3.40543054e-02
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43 | 44 | Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison? He's a small medium at large. | [ 3.35061247e-03 3.58845294e-02 -4.12002159e-03 5.69248348e-02
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44 | 45 | Someone didnt click the button in /r/thebutton Yeah... Thats a good joke , he impossible! | [-6.71034530e-02 -5.86836003e-02 -7.23232776e-02 2.75196824e-02
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45 | 46 | What's the difference between a car tyre, and 365 condoms? One's a Goodyear, an the other's a great year. | [-5.42061031e-02 4.60234620e-02 2.22489648e-02 -5.52014932e-02
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46 | 47 | Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van. | [ 3.15986276e-02 1.62595268e-02 8.94147307e-02 1.32957390e-02
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47 | 48 | I've struggled for years to be above the influence... But I've never been able to get that high | [ 2.68035084e-02 -6.43906072e-02 8.34192894e-03 4.56865951e-02
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48 | 49 | With Facebook, you can stay in touch with people you would otherwise never talk to, but that's only one of the many awful things about it | [-3.19111757e-02 -1.16906585e-02 1.38289938e-02 2.12419089e-02
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49 | 50 | What's the difference between a blonde and a washer? When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week. | [-6.67340606e-02 -7.42408484e-02 1.21010192e-01 3.27173173e-02
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50 | 51 | Have you ever heard of the movie "Constipation"? No? Most likely because it never came out. | [-4.68446650e-02 -7.62387738e-02 -1.26847029e-02 7.94955119e-02
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51 | 52 | What's black, blue and doesn't look too well? Stevie Wonder | [-1.70216132e-02 2.33536772e-03 2.07540318e-02 8.30129196e-04
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52 | 53 | I saw a French rifle on eBay today It's never been fired but I heard it was dropped once. | [-4.96093258e-02 1.19523064e-03 -3.08679463e-03 -1.53688053e-02
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53 | 54 | What did the car said to the valet? I've been through a lot. | [-6.48543388e-02 1.36384651e-01 8.67981091e-03 2.94410642e-02
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54 | 55 | Bill Clinton must be the luckiest man in the world. All of the sex he has, with Hillary, you know it's hate sex. | [ 3.55954058e-02 -1.61736868e-02 5.58722466e-02 2.63461471e-02
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55 | 56 | yeah girl.. shake that thing where poop comes out of. it really turns me on when your poop factory shakes faster than usual | [-1.71621083e-04 -1.24552883e-01 7.67504424e-02 -2.56238356e-02
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56 | 57 | "I can't stand when people say they hate both of the presidential candidates." --Stephen Hawking | [-1.19230598e-02 -1.78026129e-02 5.75343966e-02 2.05341987e-02
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57 | 58 | A Mexican fireman had twin boys He named them Jose and Hose B | [-7.78674632e-02 1.07156642e-01 -7.21538067e-02 2.15322897e-02
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58 | 59 | I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before! | [ 1.12778097e-01 2.46482482e-03 8.47475231e-02 2.82035228e-02
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59 | 60 | Donald Trump will ban the sale of shredded cheese He wants to make America grate again | [ 5.69059979e-03 -3.60522904e-02 2.37631481e-02 -9.93648916e-02
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60 | 61 | Things have really turned around for me since I re-named my penis and testicles "JD Power and Associates". | [-1.09802336e-01 2.42463294e-02 -1.93294268e-02 2.29954291e-02
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61 | 62 | My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face. | [-9.36003029e-03 -3.01811453e-02 2.78467983e-02 3.74044813e-02
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62 | 63 | My cat just walked by me carrying a toy mouse I don't remember buying her. Women be shoppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | [ 3.18423868e-03 -2.09607817e-02 6.74502179e-02 3.02757677e-02
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63 | 64 | Why did the Xbox owner cross the road? To fuck your mom. | [ 6.38974011e-02 4.07498665e-02 -4.59796749e-03 -1.50563736e-02
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64 | 65 | Sometimes you check the amount of subscribed people. When you do this, there are 4,111,093,0003.666 "humorists". 2/3rds of a person? Really? | [ 1.54417856e-02 -1.50964856e-01 -7.67614990e-02 -3.34689114e-03
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65 | 66 | I don't believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat. | [ 4.37957123e-02 5.98254753e-03 5.69126196e-02 1.30284932e-02
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-1.81111116e-02 2.58445870e-02 1.50463241e-03 6.42719269... |
66 | 67 | What did the porn actress say when she opened the door? Make sure to come upstairs. | [ 2.23245146e-03 -5.44980075e-03 -1.71575062e-02 3.06574106e-02
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67 | 68 | I don't judge people based on color, race, religion, sexuality, or gender...I base it on whether or not they're an asshole. | [ 9.85325500e-02 1.32918805e-02 -1.09811872e-01 -1.75505411e-02
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68 | 69 | Why were the baker's hands brown? Because he kneaded a poo. | [ 1.77107360e-02 7.16866031e-02 2.84737367e-02 5.54366149e-02
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-1.29141510e-02 6.85943430e-03 -8.00183415e-02 2.72120554... |
69 | 70 | Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution. So I win. | [-3.05606984e-02 -3.51806879e-02 3.66560146e-02 6.76987246e-02
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70 | 71 | I often think if I'd taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now. | [ 9.06031430e-02 -6.76864386e-02 -8.36131629e-03 7.78195336e-02
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-4.94075194e-02 2.29409756e-03 -1.09081436e-02 1.34234831... |
71 | 72 | I'm terrible at telling jokes... I always punch up the fuck lines | [ 4.78285961e-02 -6.31979555e-02 8.31230730e-03 4.29509543e-02
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72 | 73 | What did the hillbilly say to his sister after she asked him to have sex with her? If you incest. | [-8.79652426e-02 1.22767620e-01 -6.86931387e-02 6.11895637e-04
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73 | 74 | "You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels | [-6.14930987e-02 -5.58487047e-03 3.83616984e-02 -1.89582873e-02
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-3.50470804e-02 -2.23575719e-02 -7.68006817e-02 1.31401708... |
74 | 75 | How to keep the flies off the bride at an Italian wedding Keep a bucket of shit next to her | [-8.84963549e-04 1.18629836e-01 6.61838427e-02 3.53644714e-02
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9.47666168e-02 2.85184663e-02 -6.79083318e-02 2.95609366... |
75 | 76 | What do grandparents smell like? "Depends" | [ 8.55061132e-03 4.36000153e-02 7.83896297e-02 4.08903435e-02
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4.61277515e-02 -3.56990173e-02 -2.75990330e-02 -1.22516425... |
76 | 77 | 7% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just received dessert. | [ 1.07185148e-01 -5.86780310e-02 4.22970280e-02 3.33443023e-02
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1.08512148e-01 3.53672802e-02 -9.39888060e-02 -5.29894046... |
77 | 78 | What do people from the 1930's and /r/news jokes have in common? They're both old. | [-2.63566878e-02 -3.99208404e-02 -4.07217555e-02 4.09142599e-02
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-5.95927611e-02 -3.42946015e-02 1.60325821e-02 -1.35731017... |
78 | 79 | I like my slaves like I like my coffee Fair Trade. | [-7.94469416e-02 2.65041105e-02 2.27570292e-02 8.01224145e-04
-7.73510383e-03 -2.44890689e-03 1.04534782e-01 -8.91860053e-02
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9.47304443e-02 1.81346815e-02 -2.24113464e-02 1.09853996... |
79 | 80 | ME: I fell off a 50 ft tall ladder once GIRL: holy cow how did you survive ME: I fell off the bottom rung | [-7.45988041e-02 6.44737035e-02 5.20581566e-02 2.66979448e-02
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-3.07635758e-02 1.09195434e-01 -6.80130720e-02 4.39915396... |
80 | 81 | What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-think-he-saurus :) !! Lol What do you call a blind dinosaurs dog? A do-you-think-he-saurus-rex | [-6.84626028e-02 -4.74687368e-02 2.98040695e-02 4.41530235e-02
-4.37189564e-02 -9.28709656e-03 1.00601912e-01 5.22331074e-02
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-8.98306891e-02 5.70081212e-02 6.09047115e-02 3.49156111... |
81 | 82 | I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet. It's my-newt! | [ 1.37449214e-02 1.05578424e-02 7.03889355e-02 -2.55377628e-02
-6.96074590e-02 -5.81044964e-02 9.52635929e-02 1.83132235e-02
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2.38706917e-02 -3.55476737e-02 1.62261818e-02 1.96093763... |
82 | 83 | This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it. | [ 9.22139287e-02 9.30724069e-02 -5.54663641e-03 -1.33402739e-02
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-3.84121463e-02 4.85630110e-02 5.55272140e-02 -4.39615716... |
83 | 84 | Jenna Jameson to Oprah, "There's a little bit of Jenna Jameson in everyone." I'm pretty sure she got that backwards. | [-2.06147190e-02 -1.42234564e-02 8.24404880e-03 9.83572602e-02
-8.45056623e-02 -4.44671214e-02 9.67954621e-02 -4.64908183e-02
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7.75919408e-02 1.52554465e-02 2.64525805e-02 6.81031123... |
84 | 85 | Even after 20 years, Jared Fogle is still getting into smaller and smaller jeans. | [ 2.55977586e-02 -1.54627468e-02 8.40374529e-02 -6.12372346e-03
-2.84799607e-03 -3.61084775e-03 2.91603934e-02 -3.30516021e-03
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-3.58845182e-02 -2.89864186e-03 -7.97172263e-02 -6.00173585... |
85 | 86 | I have a degree in men's studies. It's called "world history". #TRUMP 2016! YOU CAN'T STUMP THE TRUMP! | [ 5.48306629e-02 3.61642316e-02 3.11911684e-02 6.50215074e-02
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-6.72708079e-02 8.27686936e-02 -8.97741020e-02 -4.51449631e-03
-1.42273456e-01 -7.17067253e-03 7.01984242e-02 3.44945001... |
86 | 87 | Why don't most fans like the first 39 episodes of DBZ? Its pretty gay, just Saiyan. | [ 1.40905427e-03 -7.26991594e-02 -3.26880142e-02 2.90063419e-03
1.36932749e-02 3.75132896e-02 7.03916028e-02 6.01839423e-02
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2.56088749e-03 -7.87882134e-02 -3.01233847e-02 -5.61581738... |
87 | 88 | My ex-wife still misses me... But her aim is gettin better. | [-6.50419574e-03 -9.00990814e-02 1.12861045e-01 3.67564783e-02
8.08316544e-02 -4.83812019e-02 6.98772147e-02 -3.19574475e-02
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2.68362779e-02 1.60726234e-02 -6.13791049e-02 1.26288245... |
88 | 89 | This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread | [ 1.62245855e-02 3.01866066e-02 3.26182209e-02 7.82636628e-02
-9.97571349e-02 -1.03773244e-01 4.82583232e-02 3.02649904e-02
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7.67901763e-02 7.97993038e-03 -1.03572503e-01 2.97272634... |
89 | 90 | What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant (Told to me by one of the kids at work) | [-3.68152373e-02 3.81760634e-02 -8.39954615e-03 6.66474998e-02
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6.81850165e-02 -6.63618520e-02 4.62612249e-02 8.51181615... |
90 | 91 | What did the two tampons say to each other? Nothing, they're both stuck-up cunts. | [-8.64466131e-02 5.11156023e-03 -6.98105199e-03 1.56722236e-02
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-5.05532809e-02 -5.51071241e-02 1.28647014e-02 8.71050730... |
91 | 92 | What do you call Jay-Z having a leg transplant? A hip-hop hip op. | [-3.42762917e-02 6.68174252e-02 -7.09897187e-03 -2.96672583e-02
-1.09826401e-01 -8.68569538e-02 1.64606065e-01 5.12220860e-02
-4.59569916e-02 5.71148936e-03 -1.80449151e-02 8.03035870e-02
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5.15955314e-02 2.14164425e-02 -5.92400767e-02 4.61369799... |
92 | 93 | What defies the law of gravity? Women. They heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up. | [-3.42317089e-03 -2.50511114e-02 2.77449470e-02 9.59746689e-02
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-4.61421385e-02 3.75778303e-02 1.19990781e-02 -3.62522453e-02
7.75716156e-02 2.45048497e-02 -9.24408510e-02 1.46886289... |
93 | 94 | Everything has to be related in a woman: if the mouth shuts, the legs open. | [-1.15629183e-02 -4.19422425e-02 -5.41418865e-02 -1.08033931e-02
-5.69675155e-02 3.16011384e-02 -8.09729041e-04 -5.08003309e-02
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-7.82111883e-02 3.55497515e-03 2.09473856e-02 1.76937934e-02
-2.46712789e-02 -1.14410697e-02 -4.55526635e-02 6.76719844... |
94 | 95 | Wanna hear a pun about long hair? Rapunzel. | [-6.20497996e-03 3.79282199e-02 2.55890377e-03 4.42259498e-02
-6.19885139e-02 -4.23231423e-02 1.40945703e-01 3.22861299e-02
-3.30469124e-02 6.99576084e-03 2.47665937e-03 -4.76135314e-02
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-2.53424924e-02 2.36725737e-03 -3.62499692e-02 -2.00914629... |
95 | 96 | "I'm so pissed I could punch a ba-" "A what?" Big Baby from Toy Story 3 hovers over me, sawed-off shotgun in hand. "A bagel. I HATE carbs." | [-5.72741777e-02 6.60571977e-02 7.65472359e-04 8.36228803e-02
-5.32759121e-03 4.67385799e-02 1.52632415e-01 3.90703697e-03
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8.54678601e-02 2.27264967e-02 2.51073372e-02 1.01684756... |
96 | 97 | What's the difference Donald Trump and my Vagina? One's a Cunt and the other has nice hair. | [ 2.31767409e-02 -9.91229061e-03 4.91703600e-02 -6.51383251e-02
-4.03781831e-02 -7.87059441e-02 2.78137885e-02 4.92598414e-02
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-4.13797684e-02 -3.89631130e-02 -2.81321146e-02 8.38120878... |
97 | 98 | My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood | [ 1.83449015e-02 1.45680625e-02 1.71350595e-02 6.41025230e-02
-6.92117587e-02 -4.57928218e-02 -3.28719243e-02 5.74834719e-02
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9.10109207e-02 4.67589982e-02 -5.28480262e-02 -4.66736443... |
98 | 99 | [uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you're worthless and nobody likes you | [ 1.38948290e-02 8.99811387e-02 6.65824041e-02 1.48700373e-02
-4.65278737e-02 -1.66182704e-02 1.75777480e-01 -2.59464402e-02
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7.34748468e-02 5.69064692e-02 -5.97779751e-02 -9.80011467e-03
8.70240852e-02 2.51289061e-03 -2.62296703e-02 7.92001411... |
99 | 100 | Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own. | [ 2.64666341e-02 -9.15455669e-02 1.49707031e-02 3.96570563e-02
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8.30815546e-03 -8.53057355e-02 -9.12825167e-02 4.14975733... |
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