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100 | about a year ago i was a part of the stage construction/ stage crew for my schools fall play . during the play the people in stage crew could stay there or go home . i was gon na go home , but then the director said i would need to fill in for some missing actors . right here is where it fucks up . i have a female frie... | i had a crush on a girl , she touched my dick through my jeans on accident and i ejaculated . | 280 | 22 |
101 | tifu while playing league of legends when one of a friend ( whom i happen to have a huge crush on ) 's friends started saying that he liked her . i flipped my shit , caused a scene , and more than likely lost a good friend because of it . so far , she 's blocked me on skype and facebook and unfriended me on lol . **upd... | flipped a shit when i found out likes the same girl i do . pissed her off and wo n't see her again for a bit . | 115 | 29 |
102 | so i went to see my grandparents with my mom at a resort-like retirement villa . it was a wonderful place with lots of beautiful scenery and activities for the seniors to do with visiting relatives . we ordered our food at the restaurant there and started catching up on things . while dining on some not-so-well cooked ... | i mentioned a cemetery around my grandparents instead of just shutting my mouth like i should 've . | 198 | 19 |
103 | i ran track in high school and run with friends as a recreational activity . i 'll get right to the point . there 's this cemetery that my friends both love and loathe . it 's not your ordinary cemetery ; it 's huge and hilly with various ponds and such scattered . it 's a very tiring route to run through , and i have ... | decided to take a shortcut during my jog in a cemetery and fell in an open grave . | 279 | 19 |
104 | this happened a few nights ago , and i 'm still trying to recuperate . so my friends and i had been planning this night several weeks prior and we were all really looking forward to it . but this night meant something more to me ; the girl i 've been interested in was coming and that was going to be the time for me to ... | i ate a lot of tacobell , and ended up shitting myself while dancing with a girl i like . | 495 | 23 |
105 | i was sitting across the room from my husband , both of us playing on around on our phones , when i decided it would be a good idea to send him a naughty photo i took for him . i was feeling a little frisky , so i immediately opened up my text message icon and inserted the photo and sent the photo . i closed the screen... | i sent the naughty picture to my mother instead of husband , still got laid . | 225 | 16 |
106 | beforehand , as a non native speaker i 'm sorry for my poor english . back in december 2012 , i had a shitty job that i was leaving . i already updated my résumé a few month earlier and showed it to my friends to check spelling , grammar & everything else . i was very confident that my résumé was perfect . when my cont... | i have screwed up the dates on my résumé , so companies thought that i was unemployed for more than a year ( instead of a few weeks ) and i did n't notice for 3 months . i feel very stupid about it now . | 322 | 49 |
107 | okay so this morning i got up late for class and decided that i could skip a shower and just do the ol ' wet-my-hair-down-and-put-a-shit-ton-of-deodorant-on-to-make-it-seem-like-i-showered . it worked well enough and my day went on normally . after class i get a text from my new-ish hot girlfriend ( almost a month ) as... | i missed out on a blow job because i sprayed febreze down my urethra . | 482 | 19 |
108 | this was n't today but last thursday . i was asked to join a new group of friends for drinks . i have n't drank alcohol for about a month for various reasons and i was very behind on sleep , but i still wanted to join them . so the night starts off normal until i decide to stop mixing my drinks and pouring straight adm... | new acquaintances , drink silly amounts of alcohol , made a great first impression and have initiated myself into the group by getting plastered . now owe a handle of admiral , and am nicknamed 180 . | 150 | 39 |
109 | this is my first time submitting a post to reddit , so bear with me as i no doubt make an arse of the formatting . i 'm also warning you that this post is fucking horrible and involves not only a lot of blood where it should n't be , but a detailed description of my penis-cleaning procedure . i keep some baby wipes i... | i had a penis period . | 427 | 6 |
110 | last night , by boyfriend and i got a pizza , and when we got back , i took the the pizza upstairs while he went to park the car . his designated lot is a good 15 minute walk from my complex , so i was left with the challenge of keeping the pizza warm while i waited for him to return . no problem , i would just put the... | tried to warm a pizza , smoked out my entire apartment . | 658 | 13 |
111 | my first post on reddit and it 's in tifu . so this actually happened yesterday , but since it was less than 24 hours ago i figured it still counts . i left my apartment to go pick up my kid and do some shopping for a sick friend . as i was pulling out of my complex , i realized that i forgotten my phone . seeing as th... | shut the locked door ( that i thought was unlocked ) with keys in the ignition and car running , waited 90 minutes to get it unlocked . | 262 | 28 |
112 | this was on australia day but that was n't long ago . we are drinking to celebrate our overtaking of this great southern land and we are in the pool ( awesome in ground one , 2 metres deep ) . i invent a new drinking game where you take your bottle of beer , hold it in your mouth and have to swim underwater to the othe... | invented a game where you swim underwater with your beer . drank some pool water , liquid shit all night . | 222 | 23 |
113 | ( long but worth a read ) so i 'm in grade 12 chemistry class and as a part of our final independent study project ( isu ) each of us was to choose a pre-designed experiment that was deemed a 'magic trick ' and perform it for a class of grade 9 students . my magic trick was called methane bubbles . link to an example f... | my chem experiment gone wrong breaks the ceiling , evacuates school in -20 c weather , floods several rooms and the library and sends 2 people to the hospital during lunchbreak ( worth read for the story behind it ) | 757 | 43 |
114 | ( took place last week ) i went over to the suite of my good friend/occasional hookup partner to pick up a book i had lent her . she was n't there and i really had to shit so i used the bathroom in her suite . naturally i played a few turns in words with friends while i pooped . i stood up to wipe and put my phone on t... | ; i drowned my phone in shitwater and threw it on a poor girl 's bed . | 234 | 19 |
115 | i was golfing , and a fat heard of mallards were relaxing by the green about 176 yards out . i have played this hole many times before , and am pretty confident i can hit the green . 'thwack ' i send the ball off , my hands hurt from a slight vibration , which means my ball was n't going where i wanted it to . all of a... | today i hit a mallard with a golf ball from about 160 yards out , causing it to pass out in the water and die amongst a huge group of other ducks . | 171 | 34 |
116 | there are a few main people in this story ; me , james , and xavier , austin , brian , and zack the story of october 19th : ( tl ; dr at the end ) it all started out six months ago with my group of friends at my school on a monday morning . the whole group was there ( the names listed above ) and james had just gotten ... | me and my friends made an inside joke about our friend shooting up the school , someone overheard , told the police , and my friend is still being charged with two felonies . | 728 | 35 |
117 | long read but multiple fuck ups . so i get asked to bartend this wedding with a friend . i think fuck it and say yeah me and my best bud will do it . my friend says , `` yeah i 've bartended at a wedding before it 's great you can get drunk with everyone and everyone loves it '' . my friend is my best mate , and brings... | ** got trashed while getting paid at a wedding for some religious people , ruined my dad 's shirt , stole shit and then sent a picture to the chick organising it about the whole ordeal . | 646 | 39 |
118 | so i 'm at the office going on a usual mid week coffee bender which usually consists of three cups before lunch . i take my lunch break and have a smoke after . for those that do n't smoke , drink coffee , or both , the coffee is the primer and the cig pulls the plug . so i go upstairs to the 26th floor where i work an... | thought my butt hole could be pluged like putting your thumb over a tiny hole in a garden hose . | 259 | 21 |
119 | just a little background information first to get it out of the way . my boyfriend and i see each other once a week if we 're lucky so when we do we usually get down to some dirty business after getting food and wandering around , stuff like that . i 'm an eighteen year old female and he is a nineteen year old male , b... | had accidental threesome with boyfriend 's grandpa . | 431 | 12 |
120 | one fine summer day 20 years ago my best friend & i decided to go to the mall . i was 13 , it was the early 90 's & so i decided to wear a [ cropped shirt ] ( http : //img0.etsystatic.com/001/1/6387571/il_fullxfull.363369264_jqz8.jpg ) sans bra since , well , i was not really in need of one yet . ( it was also arizona ... | wore tiny shirt on a new ride & flashed a bunch of strangers . | 358 | 15 |
121 | i am near sighted , and i can only recognize things by shape and color when i do n't have my glasses on . my eyes were pretty dry this morning , so i went to put a few eye drops in . i had forgotten that i had an ear wax dissolvent bottle that looked exactly the same shape and size of my eye drop bottle . i thought i h... | do n't put ear wax dissolvent in your eye | 181 | 12 |
122 | so i work as an intern at a bank and on fridays most people go home early . well last friday my boss and i were practically the only ones in the still in the office after lunch so she allowed my to go home early , but offered to pay me for a full day . i 've never been paid for not working before so i was stoked . i fi... | apparently my boss was doing me a solid that she could get in trouble for and i went and told on her ( by accident ) . | 219 | 28 |
123 | *spoiler : there 's no shit in this story* so for a bit of context here . i live in missouri , in the us . i 'm a guy in my late 20s and i work 3rd shift . i was meeting my friend so we could watch a movie at her place . she was just getting off work , and i was about 10 min early to her place . but i did n't want to j... | i hit a stationary object and fucked up my car , because i was 10 min early to a friend 's house** | 251 | 24 |
124 | just a normal day , at my friends house trying to take a shit . so i go to the bathroom , to take my shit , because that 's where i usually take my shits . get into the usual position , take out my phone with my left hand and hold my dick down with my right so i can piss in the toilet . yea you guys know how it works .... | pissed on myself because it was too damn hot in this house . | 285 | 15 |
125 | little bit of background : winter 2013 college semester i started to fall for this girl that i meet through a mutual friend . fast forward to a week after school gets out , she goes home for the summer and i start working third shift , got ta make the money , so she breaks up with me . a week later she starts going out... | ex-gf used me as a place holder , shit on my heart , hung out with me yesterday , and stuck in my head today when i could have done something with hotgurl . | 424 | 39 |
126 | okay , first of all this an old story and i just thought this would be the perfect place to tell it . this happened in high school , as everything does . so i used to take the school bus home from school , and the bus ride was the best part of the day , because me and my friends were always up to something stupid , the... | put a sign that said 'bomb on bus ' on the back window of my school bus , and a crazy white bitch followed me to my stop to save the day . | 569 | 34 |
127 | so today was my first day at work . i was told to be there at 8:00am . naturally , i did n't want to fuck up and be late , so i went to bed early and got some sleep so i can get up at 6:50am and get there earlier . you know , just in case something happens . i wake up at 6:50 this morning , i take a nice hot shower and... | daylight savings time is fucking retarded . ** | 231 | 9 |
128 | so my friends and i went to venice beach and we all got fairly high . i have a lowest tolerance of all my smoking buddies , so when we were finished , they were all good , but i was feeling quite dizzy . as we were leaving , i started feeling worse and worse in the car ride and i felt as if my skin was melting and the ... | threw up while on the freeway with the window open , only to have it come back into the car and go into my friend 's mouth . | 195 | 30 |
129 | yesterday was canadian thanksgiving , and instead of having the usual beaver drizzled in maple syrup ( kidding ) i ate a traditional meal with a bit of a twist . instead of turkey we had raw chunks of prime beef with a pasty sauce comprised of dried hot peppers and whisky . anyways , turns out my stomach ca n't handle ... | got sick trying to eat raw meat , sprayed nearly a tenth of my square footage with watery orangish-yellow fluids . | 497 | 26 |
130 | for context , i 'm 5 ' 6-1/2 '' and 143 pounds ( just got measured ) . my company does a health risk assessment to give people incentives to be healthy . they take your height , weight , blood draw , etc . and if you are healthy you get money off of your premiums each month . i did everything well and fasted before han... | going to melt a toilet later with red-hot magma shits | 337 | 14 |
131 | my worst nightmare has come true . i papercut my eye with about 15 pages of paper . i got to an optometrist right away , and was able to take [ a picture of a picture they took ] ( http : //i.imgur.com/dgkegv4.jpg ) . the yellowy bit is the damaged area . a papercut to the eye , particularly of this magnitude , hurts a... | good idea : do work . bad idea : unwittingly papercut your eye . | 95 | 15 |
132 | today , a lot of my extended family was over for thanksgiving dinner . i spent my summer working in kenya and i have n't seen a lot of family since i 've been back , so i decided to grab my laptop and show them some of my photos . what i had forgotten was that last night i fell asleep after watching some porn and i had... | four generations of family members feeling awkward because i did n't close my porn pop-ups . | 150 | 19 |
133 | biggest scare of my life , i almost died today . i have been training at work as an electrical/electronics technician . i got burned on my hand today at work during a factory shut down from an arc flash made up of 480 volts of electricity and i do n't know how many amps ( i know it 's a lot though , because it was the ... | big bang , little boo boo . | 604 | 7 |
134 | this is probably the stupidest thing i think i have ever done . at least i feel like it . a little background , i had a great weekend which did n't include a lot of sleep , so that is a factor . i also drive a standard ( stick ) , which will also come into play . anyways , going into work this morning and stopping at 7... | did n't leave my car in gear when i went to get coffee , car rolled into the road , but caused no major damage other than my pride . | 345 | 31 |
135 | so my family and i went out for dinner as my mum and younger sister had just come back off holiday . i wanted something a little different than my usual gammon and chips , and i did n't have long to order so i just chose a simple burger and chips . ( what can go wrong ? ! ) well the food came and it was very nice . we ... | i shat myself whilst i was naked and it sprayed all over my bathroom . | 476 | 16 |
136 | earlier today i left a pepsi in the freezer to cool off . i felt like drinking it later so i did n't think to move it to the fridge before i went to sleep . i just woke up about an hour ago and was ridiculously warm . i decided i 'd go drink that pepsi of mine . the moment i touched it , it instantaneously froze . i di... | today i fucked up by opening a frozen pepsi . | 281 | 12 |
137 | it 's 4 in the morning and i 'm holding a piece of toilet paper to my balls . i 'll tell ya why . around 3 in the morning , i get this bright idea , `` if i shaved my balls , i would n't ever have to deal with it 's nuisance again . '' and with that , i set off to my bathroom to shave my balls . brother 's sink filled ... | shave down , easy but prickly . shave up , smooth but bloody . | 331 | 16 |
138 | this was n't too recent so forgive me , but i figure it 's embarrassing enough to share . so it 's 8am and it 's the big spanish final i 'd been cramming for ; i figured i 'd do pretty well after all the time i spent studying . so i get there , tired as hell , get seated and wait for the test . there 's a delay , so i ... | fell asleep during an exam and woke up realizing i had a very visible erection that was probably seen by many people . at least i passed . : ) | 502 | 30 |
139 | people of tifu , i hit a damn barn . at work i was pulling an old flat-bed work truck from one of our fleet-customers , out of our shop . it was in for some maintenance work before the plowing season this winter . i backed it out of the garage bay , put it back in drive , started turning to squeeze it between the shop ... | ; clipped a barn at work , was to embarrassed to tell anyone . boss heard it happen , might fire me . | 230 | 23 |
140 | i 'm a student web developer and my boss was put in charge of creating a system to track incoming students for one of the colleges in my university that would enable student recruiters to more effectively reach out to students . this quickly became exclusively my job , and has become more and more complex as time has g... | ** : anyone with a phone number in a system i built for a college at the university i go to is getting a call tonight congratulating them on their acceptance , accepted or not , because i forgot 6 lines of code . | 339 | 45 |
141 | i 'm not trying to outdo any of the other tifu stories here , but this just happened to me five minutes ago . i do n't know about anyone else , but occasionally , i get huge ... er.. zits inbetween my legs , not at my crotch , but on my inner thighs . sometimes these things get massive , like to the point that i 'm wor... | tried to pop a crotch zit , became the fourth stooge . | 288 | 16 |
142 | let me just start off my saying i work very hard for any money that comes my way . i babysit up to 6 kids at any time , watching 2 children full time . i am severely underpaid though . i get maybe 20 dollars every few weeks , no matter how often i babysit . ( thanks mom ) it 's incredibly frustrating to try to save up ... | i gifted some random person 70 dollars worth of clothing , which i worked very hard to be able to afford . crying . | 351 | 24 |
143 | i recently got a macbook for my film production program which i start next week , and i needed to get a few things for it , one of them being an external harddrive . i love using western digital because their stuff is awesome . so i went to canada computers to purchase a 1 tb passport drive and an external bd drive , s... | 566 | 0 | |
144 | so this happened a couple of hours before . we ( me and my family ) are on a cemetery ( in my country we go there if its nov.1 ) . so we are having fun , like joking etc . at the same time , this youngest son of my cousin is very hypertensive , like run here , run there , play here , and play there . at that time there... | we are having fun , tried to made a joke to my cousin that our nephew is still missing , she found out , yelled and crying while scolding us whom literally focused to me , cursed at her brother who laugh mildly . she got scolded by the mother because the way she is acting . and i 'm sweating like a pig . and everyone i... | 464 | 74 |
145 | so i 'll start by saying i 'm totally straight . me and my dad usually have political arguments . well often it gets down to views on human rights . well when it gets down to this i usually flip shit . i admit , i get out of control but he literally says shit like , `` well if we let the gays marry , then people are go... | tried to defend gays to conservative dad , told him i was gay . | 151 | 15 |
146 | i got up after only about 3 hours of sleep , feeling rather shitty . my wife and brother-in-law were prepping the house for the halloween party we had planned , and i was tasked with making the sweet tea . nothing to difficult , as i 'm the designated sweet tea brewer most of the time . i set about making the tea , and... | i poured hot tea into a giant cracked glass dispenser , broke the bottom off when i tried to move it and flooded my kitchen and soaked my pants in said tea . | 321 | 34 |
147 | earlier today , i was playing pokemon x in my room when my big brother comes in and starts to trash talk my pokemon team . he was just joking , and we got to joke-trash-talking each other . well , during the fight , i accidentally kneed him… . really , really hard… right in his… berries . o__o he spent the next fifteen... | accidentally hit my big bro in his no-nos , and now i live in fear of retaliation . scariest halloween ever . | 167 | 29 |
148 | i went out for the first time . i 'm 20 and my folks let me go to my friend 's house party which ended up being a total disaster due to someone inviting high school kids . okay so after new years i 'm looking for poon meanwhile carefully making sure i do n't go near jailbait . i finally found the girl . the house owner... | i fucked up my first day of 2013 by making some girl think i 'm a creep rapist . | 425 | 20 |
149 | so , let 's go back in time , back when little ol ' me was about six years old . .. it was near midnight and the house was quiet , save for the pitter-patter of tiny feet in the hallway . i was waddling my way into the bathroom ; i think i had too much to drink at dinner , and now my juice had come to pass . so i pushe... | a toilet seat smashed my dick when i was six . ** | 191 | 12 |
150 | i used some of [ this ] ( http : //www.amazon.com/unknown-daves-insanity-sauce/dp/b0007wuoum/ref=sr_1_4 ? ie=utf8 & qid=1372962972 & sr=8-4 & keywords=dave % 27s+insanity+sauce ) stuff to give my tuna sandwich a little bit of a kick around an hour ago . come time for a trip to the bathroom prior to leaving for my shift... | hot-sauce that can be used to strip the wax off your floors should be kept away from genitalia at all times . | 174 | 27 |
151 | so , i decided it was time to wash the sheets . i have dryer issues so by the time i was ready for bed i was still sheetless . i went downstairs to a closet where i keep a bunch of climbing gear and military gear and pulled an old sheet out of the bottom of the pile of shit that is that closet . yeah , the sheet seemed... | that 's how you get ants . **** | 382 | 9 |
152 | i know its not puking , shitting , or fucking my best friends sister , but damn it , its like someones sister raped me while shitting on my oatmeal . i just got a job after basically being homeless for a bit , and bumming around living with my girlfriend 's parent , i got a job working for an awesome company . they hav... | 50 % of first paycheck is waiting for me when i retire . i need to go stir my ramen . ** | 494 | 23 |
153 | i work midnights at a gas station so i 'm the only one there on most nights . meaning i can not afford to be late or the person i 'm replacing not only gets pissed off but can risk going over on hours ( god forbidden the damn place pays them an extra dollar for not clocking out on time ) . while getting ready with abou... | did n't take a shit before work and manager 's daughter came into store while i was shitting . made hugeass deal over waiting 5 minutes . | 301 | 31 |
154 | ok , so i get this friend request in the mail for one of those odd social networks with weird names with double letters in unusual places . usually , i just ignore those , but this one was perfectly translated in my mother tongue which is not terribly common , so i got intrigued and clicked on a link ... so , signup , ... | one should know better after 20 years on the internetz , not to click on every shit . ** | 197 | 20 |
155 | i 'm a blogger and associate editor for one of the big lgbt politics & culture blogs . yesterday i published a post about the hashtag # fuckcispeople trending on twitter , and it ended up being the last post of the day . now , our style guide says that we do n't use `` fuck '' or `` cunt '' as the subject of posts , bu... | published a post at the end of the day with `` fuck '' in the title and landed our daily digest in everyone 's spam boxes for the foreseeable future . ** | 250 | 33 |
156 | so i was there having an afternoon stroke , i finished up the job nicely as i 've been away on holiday for 2 weeks the payload as to be expected was a lot larger than normal . so i finish up when all of a sudden i hear my mum coming upstairs so i quickly pull on my trousers and cover up in time she says someones at the... | : my mum and friend saw my jizz patch in my jeans | 231 | 13 |
157 | i know this sub has a lot of poop stories , but fuck it , here 's one more . so i have n't been eating properly for the past few days . you know , lots of fast food , lots of meat and potatoes , not much green vegetables . i usually poop very day , and recently , it 's been getting increasingly difficult to get it out ... | allowed myself to become terribly constipated . ended up lubing my fingers up with soap , sticking them up my butt , and pulling the shit out . never again . | 802 | 35 |
158 | i love sunny d. it 's sweeter than orange juice and reminds me of being a younger child . i decided to pick some up from the store , and i proceeded to drink it all in that day . ( but not at one time ) shortly after , i got awful stomach pains after i finished the jug and proceeded to throw up . i love sunny d soo muc... | ** i love sunny d , but it 's bad . | 151 | 12 |
159 | it 's friday evening and i 'm stuck in school in drama boosters . having finished my work i was re-reading some attack on titan manga while everyone got on with their work . since we were working in a different room that was adjacent to our normal room , you could just about see that the lights were on . my teacher que... | i 'm a major cockblock . | 229 | 8 |
160 | thanksgiving at the in-laws ' . kids were playing hide and seek . i stepped into the closet and stripped down to my bra to change my shirt for dinner . when i left the closet , the kids were still looking for 16 year old nephew . found him in the closet that i was just in . edit : we are related by marriage , not blood... | i flashed my nephew . | 73 | 5 |
161 | it 's still thanksgiving in the us . but now i 've woken up from something shameful . i 'm studying abroad , and yesterday ( thanksgiving ) our abroad group had no classes and a group potluck feast . i got up bright and early to start preparing , also started drinking . long story short , i passed out two hours before ... | drank too early , too quickly , arrived two and a half hours late to school sponsored thanksgiving , sauced and sour , with half a tray of green beans and a bottle of sake . | 171 | 39 |
162 | it 's a bit of a long story , but bear with me . this thanksgiving , after my sister 's persuasion , i decided to go to her family 's house , since everyone else was going to be going there . i would be there all week , and i did n't want to leave my pet hamster , buddy , alone for the holidays , so i brought him with ... | my niece threw my hamster into the microwave and caused him to explode . | 402 | 15 |
163 | so today i decided for the first time to try to shave my pubic hair . i had n't shaved it before , so the hairs were quite long . i tried going for it with the razor , but it was n't working too well because the long hairs would get stuck in the blade . i decided to get some scissors and trim down the hairs first . whe... | i was trimming my pubic hair and accidentally cut off a small piece of my scrotum . | 229 | 21 |
164 | okay to preface , this actually happened a little bit ago , but nonetheless is a great account of the accidents that happen when you work in a warehouse . so , one day at work i was lugging around my scanner , they are these fat ancient things called geminis . they are overly bulky , probably weighing a bit over a poun... | i used to be a picker like you until i took a gemini to the face . | 459 | 19 |
165 | so yesterday , i had an essay due for my english class . naturally , i worked on it the morning it was due , emailed the progress to myself and decided to finish it during my class break . so during my class break i head to the computer lab and i 'm all inspired to write , i polish my final draft , it 's a beautiful an... | did n't properly save a masterpiece , re-wrote it as shit . | 365 | 15 |
166 | this woman is nearly 40 , i 'm 18. she 's a friend of my boyfriend 's family , she drove him to the hospital once when he busted his face open when he was 7. she also happens to work with me . now , i 'm sure most of you have seen or heard of that video going around about beyonce being satanist . well , she shared it o... | made a middle-aged woman with elementary school mental capabilities mad , even though i still have to deal with her on a regular basis . | 533 | 27 |
167 | last night i was feeling pretty lazy about dinner so i figured i 'd keep it simple and make a sandwich . it was n't until i was cleaning up the kitchen after eating that i noticed these large mold spots and condensation inside the bag of bread i just used . the bread had an expiration date of about half a month ago . i... | i need to go the grocery store more often** | 115 | 10 |
168 | i was at a fast-food place with my friend and there was a guy working the counter . we decided to buy something and try and start a conversation with him , so i got a slushie . ( it 's one of those places where they give you a cup and you take it to a machine and push the flavor you want and the drink comes out ) as i ... | embarrassment , mops , and soggy dignity . | 251 | 13 |
169 | for the past six months i 've been plagued by a terrible case of scabies . i have tried everything to get rid of them.. washing everything i own multiple times , the medicine the doctors give you , tea tree oil , neem oil , borax powder on my clothes.. etc , etc . the next magic trick to get rid of the little buggers w... | tried every remedy for scabies , thought a cayenne pepper bath would kill them off , basically lit my entire body on fire trying to `` soak '' in the bath . | 233 | 36 |
170 | in need of a change i decided to go from dark brown hair to a light blonde and bright orange colour combo . bleaching went fine albeit damaging to my hair but it 'll recover . not realizing just how concentrated this colour was when i dripped onto my shoulder i thought nothing of it left it for a second because i had g... | i dripped hair dye into a bright orange jizzing dick stain on my shoulder | 172 | 17 |
171 | i have two roommates where i live and last night one of them was n't home . me and my other roommate had a few drinks and , wow , what do you know : there 's my roommates computer sitting in the corner . all of us knew what had to be done . log in , mess with facebook . it 's a bold move , but we had to see if it would... | grandmothers do n't like penis enlargement for their grandsons . | 192 | 16 |
172 | a little back story - my girlfriend and i are both 16 and this is my first major serious relationship . we 've been `` official '' since february 26th and she 's met my parents and i 've met hers . so she picks me up from school today and we finished up some math and english homework together . after that my bestfriend... | made out/felt up girlfriend , dad walked in , dad is pissed , privileges stripped , girlfriend is embarrassed and crying . | 406 | 24 |
173 | i 'm in vacation in california , so as always we bring our surfboards and longboards . today we were going to trestles , to get to the actual beach you have to hike a paved path ( takes about 10 mins ) . so i bring my long board and ride it down no problem . when we were coming back ( uphill ) my flip flops keep fallin... | i ruined my trip . | 176 | 5 |
174 | ok , so this is how i got rid of all computers in my home . we lost our desktop computer to a virus my little bro gave it by trying to get minecrft for free . after that we had only a laptop to use as a computer . i had been on the laptop , watching youtube videos , when i decided i should make a vine of me eating a pa... | i spilled koolaid on my laptop , it does n't work , and we do n't know what to replace in it . if anyone knows a good place toget a laptop for a low price , please leave a comment | 150 | 45 |
175 | ok so just got out of class . for the past few classes this 8/10 has sat across the lecture hall from me . i was reading a post on r/4chan , link below , when all of a sudden i realized she sat next to me today . i ’ m reading this post about anon fucking up with a girl when she comments about him playing pokemon . out... | hot girl approached , didn ’ t know if real life , just read exact scenario on 4chan and ended up pretty much reenacting it | 338 | 29 |
176 | so i was very drunk at 3am in town whilst out with some friends . i decided to rip a piece of foam from some scaffolding in the street ( was going to use it as some kind of foam sword ) . the a police officer shouts at me and in my drunken state i thought i was in serious trouble so i ran . i looked behind me and the o... | - ran from the police for no reason , got clothes lined . | 131 | 13 |
177 | i was at a party out at a friend 's house . decent sized event ; bonfire , beer pong , barbecue , heavy drinking ; the type of thing i 'd typically avoid like the plague but a buddy of mine and his girlfriend really want to go so i do . i only knew the friend and the couple that i rode with , and i 'm designated driver... | i lit my face on fire trying to light a cigarette in a campfire and put it out in a kiddy pool . | 473 | 25 |
178 | from last friday , but whatever : i was out walking along the cliffs near my college campus with a friend of mine , and he broke out this very small pipe ( maybe three inches ) to smoke some weed . i do n't smoke often , but i had nothing to do , so i took a few hits . the damn pipe shot ash in your mouth every time yo... | said that *things* could happen to girls walking alone well within earshot of a girl . she turned to look at me and she saw me , tongue out , with my fingers all over it . | 358 | 41 |
179 | i just got home from work , and decided to wash my cares away with a hot , cleansing shower . i felt inclined to listen to music while i showered , but of course i did n't realize this until i had already completely disrobed . my laptop was in the kitchen , and it contained all my tunes . since my roommates were still ... | forgot kitchen blinds were open while reveling in my post-work nudity** | 160 | 17 |
180 | here i was , minding my own business , watching the filthiest dirtiest smut i could find , because i 'm just classy like that , and i really got more than i bargained for . it starts off so innocently , as it always does . me sitting here nude , contemplating my next honorable maiden , sifting through the garbage to fi... | amateur performer finances the moneyshot and really pays for it | 685 | 14 |
181 | i studied my ass off for a test 2 weeks prior , and the day finally came..except that i did n't bring myself a pen and highlighter . i had the materials for the multiple choice but not for the essay that sooner came with it . unfortunately my teacher is one of those people who will chew you out for forgetting your stuf... | purposely bombed a test i studied the most for because of forgetting a pen and highlighter . | 154 | 20 |
182 | it was a half day at my school today . i woke up as normal , at 6:30 in the morning . ereyesterday , i had pulled an all nighter , and yesterday , i fell asleep at 2 am . i was pretty tired , but i could deal with it . i was going to just take a nap for a few hours , it was 6:30 in the morning , and i did n't have scho... | failed all of my classes 1st quarter of senior year because i did n't wake up from a nap . | 492 | 22 |
183 | i 'm a us navy sailor , which means i wear a uniform at work . this uniform has a hat ( spoken `` cover '' ) associated with it , which i am not normally allowed to wear inside . the normal way to keep your cover with you for this uniform is to put it in a cargo pocket at your knee ; my current supervisor ( who i will ... | i was in a rush to shit , my hat fell into the water before my shit did . | 435 | 19 |
184 | in the grand scheme of fuck-ups , this one is relatively minor . but here it is anyway . reddit , i hate cooking . the fact that we need to eat to survive is something i view as an inconvenience . if science could develop some sort of tablet that provided us with all our needed nutrients and calories i would be a happy... | forgot to clean my crock pot , pot filled up with nasty ass mold . | 733 | 17 |
185 | tifu getting a speeding ticket going 84 in a 70 on my way to school . i fucked up by a. not asking the officer at the scene to write my ticket down b. i fucked up the amount of work i had been doing so i could set aside car payments and gas money for the winter months on top of that i was saving for a nexus 5 because t... | tifu 600+ dollars half of that was a month of car payments for when i work in the winter and the other half was for a nexus 5 . | 83 | 31 |
186 | i decided it would be a great idea to cut up an entire brick of cheese and eat it with chips and salsa on sunday.. worst idea i could have possibly imagined involving cheese ... sharp stomach pains , gas , bloating , this is some grade a constipation . best part is i have a speech in the morning , i have this terrible ... | do n't eat huge amounts of cheese , it will create immobile masses of fecal matter that cause problems.. | 95 | 23 |
187 | so i woke up this morning and my phone notified me that ten emails , saying message not delivered . i was kind of confused , but i was more focused on getting ready for the day , so i pretty much forgot about it . around 9 o'clock i got an email asking `` is this real or spam ? '' this was when i remembered about those... | if you got an email from ... err sorry . | 135 | 10 |
188 | we 're moving house but ca n't move directly into our new one . everything has to go into storage and friends houses by monday for a time . doing a look round of everything that can fit in my car in the space left was the brushes and mop . my so has not stopped going on about it . | i 'm a house moving idiot | 65 | 7 |
189 | this was n't today , but i just discovered this sub , so here goes . back in college , i worked in a shoe store . i 'm very helpful and also very annoyed when ignored , which is by far my biggest pet peeve . this middle aged man ( ah = asshole ) was admiring our fine selection of fashionable footwear and i approach him... | asshole ignores me . i insult . he no can heary . i am asshole . ** | 301 | 19 |
190 | im a 24 year old female that is lactose intolerant but dairy is my favorite food group . i put cheese on everything and worry about the consequences later . i 'm doing last minute work on the endocrin system for my anatomy and physiology class and i 'm not getting far because i 'm grossing myself out by browsing the wt... | cheese grits gave me the shits . | 310 | 10 |
191 | last night some friends and i got absolutely wasted . i woke up this morning to find that i missed my first class and had a test in an hour , i got up and instantly sat back down on my bed from getting so dizzy . i remembered that i had 2 36mg concerta that i was saving . thinking that it would help my hangover and hel... | took 72mg of concerta ( ritalin ) with a terrible hangover and fucked my entire day up . | 278 | 24 |
192 | my best friend is home for the first time in four months ( she lives two hours away ) so we decided to get super high . i get the sensation that i have to pee . i ignore it both because i am ridiculously high and my friend is telling a story ... .finally i get up to go to the bathroom , walk up the stairs and it happen... | got high and ignored the fact had to pee and pissed myself ; tried to cover it up but they figured it out . | 177 | 24 |
193 | this happened a few years ago , but it 's probably my biggest tifu . so i woke up one morning with an intense urge to vomit . i start running towards the bathroom and make it four steps before i start projectile vomiting everywhere . i apparently also had diarrhea and the force of of me throwing up also caused me to sh... | had explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting and as i was running down the stairs i slipped in my vomit/shit and knocked myself out . did n't have to go to school . | 251 | 35 |
194 | this happened several months ago , but i just decided to post it here . so a few months ago someone at my school committed suicide , the 2nd one in less than a month , obviously it was a very tough time for everyone . at his funeral , 2 kids were joking around ( this may sound inappropriate , but it was appropriate , y... | made a suicide joke at the funeral for a kid who committed suicide , made everyone hate me . | 165 | 19 |
195 | yes , it ’ s a poop story . my girlfriend ’ s mom has been visiting for the past week and the three of us ( me , girlfriend , and mom ) have been doing fun , touristy day activities . yesterday my stomach was grumbly after a spicy meal . normal , though , right ? i had a nasty shit in a public restroom at some touristy... | went on a hike in the desert while having diarrhea and wiped with my hand . | 743 | 16 |
196 | so , i am at work when my bladder sends that little message to my brain to indicate its ready to be emptied . to the head ( wc/bathroom ) i go . in the head are two urinals with a privacy divider in between . a gentleman is all ready using one , so i pull up in front to the other and start my business . certain sounds ... | went to the head , dude next to me excessively shook his snake and slung his urine onto my hand . | 256 | 22 |
197 | i woke up this morning next to my boyfriend having slept over at my house . woke up with morning wetness and by defult not given much thought of it since it 's a normal thing to me . we had breakfast with my sister and had a very amusing conversation resulting in plenty of laughter . the sweater i wore made me sweat bu... | vag stamp on cushion | 324 | 4 |
198 | i look after people 's houses while they are away sometimes . this one time i was at this particular house downtown chicago ( river north ) i had to drop one badly . every house i go to is usually on the market and usually as empty as it gets so using their master bathroom was as easy as checking to make sure they had ... | real estate agent caught me using the bathroom in a client 's house , in my haste to get out and cover my tracks i did n't zip and the entire north side of chicago saw my dong before i noticed . i realize i should wear boxers now . | 379 | 55 |
199 | tifu by not drinking enough water ( for several days in a row , actually ) . i 'm on new medications that each severely dehydrate me , and during the summer i had no problem downing a bottle of water and peeing every hour or so , but now that school is back in session i 'm not able to do that anymore . did n't really t... | today i fucked up and had to shovel shit of out my own anus . ** | 595 | 16 |
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