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Can you think of a joke that relates to rip larry that you could tell me? | Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away
RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74 | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f6lii3/sad_news_the_founder_of_rjokes_has_passed_away/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around net neutrality? | Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...
Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7ekt23/calm_down_about_the_net_neutrality_thing/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves getting reassigned? | A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.
"Son I'm ... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9mf1cz/a_new_navy_recruit_has_his_first_day_on_the/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with presidential election? | The 2016 US Presidential Election
That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5by0qh/the_2016_us_presidential_election/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves hawaii early? | Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.
Hawaii **IS** the early warning system. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7qw3sz/everyone_in_hawaii_is_mad_about_the_malfunction/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with net neutrality? | If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...
I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7esyjx/if_i_had_a_for_every_post_ive_seen_today_about/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to cold outside? | Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a593r0/twenty_years_from_now_kids_are_gonna_think_baby/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around storm vatican should do the trick. | If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican
We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/cf6h70/if_america_is_storming_area_51_then_the_europeans/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around home parrot? | A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 ne... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/77g7ub/a_woman_goes_to_buy_a_parrot_the_prices_are_100/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with impeach trump? | Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?
Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/eczclg/do_you_want_to_know_why_the_republicans_wont/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to shutdown bad? | This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men
We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/floyyn/this_shutdown_is_bad_for_everyone_in_the_service/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a funny joke that relates to currency dad? | A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...
...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for? | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7ieoji/a_boy_asked_his_bitcoininvesting_dad/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you be willing to share a joke about anal virginity with me? | My wife said if this post gets 1000 upvotes she'll give up her anal virginity tonight!
Please don't. She's out of town on business until Tuesday. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/acaqqm/my_wife_said_if_this_post_gets_1000_upvotes_shell/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a funny joke that relates to child crying? | Why was the anti-vaxxer‘s 4 year old child crying?
Midlife crisis | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8fy9y1/why_was_the_antivaxxers_4_year_old_child_crying/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with liberals acting? | Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5cclga/liberals_are_acting_like_trump_is_going_to_kill/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to base united. Do you have one? | The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...
... United. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/64oinr/the_front_page_is_filled_with_memes_in_reference/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in the mood for a joke about lee funeral. Do you have any good ones? | For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9xd4en/for_anyone_attending_stan_lees_funeral/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to koreans believe? | North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/aime9b/north_koreans_believe_they_live_in_the_best/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves scandal elongate? | I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal
Elongate would be really drawn out. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7he12e/i_hope_elon_musk_never_gets_involved_in_a_scandal/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves letters? | What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6e9s2j/what_has_4_letters_sometimes_9_letters_but_never/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about joke monocle that you could tell me? | Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6y81nc/still_my_favorite_joke_i_ever_made_up/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to kilograms overnight that you could tell me? | Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7g4kpk/imagine_if_americans_switched_from_pounds_to/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves arrest suspicion? | My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6fl7jt/my_girlfriend_dressed_up_as_a_policewoman_and/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves accidentally cheating? | TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask
Whoops, wrong sub | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5nx0el/tifu_by_accidentally_cheating_on_my_wife_at_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to budweiser wife that you could tell me? | A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his u... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/993hgp/a_wife_decides_to_take_her_husband_dave_to_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around anal upvote should do the trick. | My wife says if this post gets over 1000 upvotes, I can get anal.
Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7upeos/my_wife_says_if_this_post_gets_over_1000_upvotes/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves generation sucks. | If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6d2lom/if_i_had_a_dollar_for_every_time_someone_over_40/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around election black? | "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5ceo87/youre_telling_me_that_im_losing_my_job_because/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a good joke that relates to girlfriend borrowed? | My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.
I lost Interest in that relationship. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8zwqq6/my_girlfriend_borrowed_100_from_me_after_3years/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves changing rap? | R Kelly is really changing the rap game
He takes the art out of rap artist | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/atziea/r_kelly_is_really_changing_the_rap_game/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves female janitor? | The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a9xbpv/the_female_janitor_at_my_building_asked_if_i/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around protection? | Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of h... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/72j71s/guy_doctor_my_girlfriend_is_pregnant_but_we/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to girlfriend word that you could tell me? | Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/apli0e/why_is_girlfriend_one_word_but_best_friend_is_two/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to situation bartender that you could tell me? | A man walks into a bar...
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my si... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/67vc0y/a_man_walks_into_a_bar/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves telling jokes. | [Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.
I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a9psdl/serious_just_a_reminder_to_be_careful_when/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to stoned leviticus? | By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:
**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6wwdlw/by_legalizing_cannabis_and_samesex_marriage_we/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around 10 imaginary should do the trick. | My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7v0je6/my_girlfriend_is_like_the_square_root_of_100/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to findings meaningless? | Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."
Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7rxcqw/scientist_my_findings_are_meaningless_if_taken/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves trump worm. | What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9w3p8i/whats_the_difference_between_donald_trump_and_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves happy valentines? | There's love without sex and there's sex without love...
Then there's You, without either.
Happy Valentines | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f3pudj/theres_love_without_sex_and_theres_sex_without/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a funny joke that relates to teeth flossiraptor? | Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?
A Flossiraptor | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/910h9o/courtesy_of_my_6yo_daughter_what_do_you_call_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to sevens eights. Do you have one? | I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/aa2jqx/i_asked_my_wife_if_i_was_the_only_one_shes_been/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about coronavirus china? | All countries eventually got coronavirus
But China got it right off the bat. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/fopdvz/all_countries_eventually_got_coronavirus/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to dave boss? | My favorite joke: Everyone Knows Dave
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/55gonm/my_favorite_joke_everyone_knows_dave/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves asking australia? | As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you...
“School” is my answer | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/853mn4/as_an_aussie_americans_are_always_asking_me_where/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves sex position? | My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...
It's where I flip your MOM over | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/adoa6q/my_favourite_sex_position_is_called_wow/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a good joke that relates to jewish girl? | I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.
I told her we use names here. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/87rred/i_met_a_jewish_girl_and_she_asked_for_my_number/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to sam spontaneously? | Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.
His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.
Sam was... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6nb0uo/once_upon_a_time_in_the_magical_fantasy_kingdom/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a good joke that relates to ubisoft france? | Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?
Because Ubisoft is in France. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6djcx7/why_is_ea_the_worst_gaming_company_in_america/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves telling jokes? | [Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.
I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8queov/serious_just_a_reminder_to_be_careful_when/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a good joke that relates to dog butcher? | As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes th... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/85m3yy/as_a_butcher_is_shooing_a_dog_from_his_shophe/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around mailman perplexed? | A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up
So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of ... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/abxd7g/a_mailman_notices_a_mailbox_with_the_flag_up/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with average ejaculation? | A single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. That means an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB
That's a lot of information to swallow
-wow thanks for the upvotes and gold | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/71u6pt/a_single_sperm_has_375_mb_of_dna_information_in/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with christmas joke? | Christmas joke (NSFW)
A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean"
Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying wal... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7lv4ah/christmas_joke_nsfw/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with moose terrorist? | In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.
Those damn moose limbs. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/der5ke/in_canada_you_are_more_likely_to_die_of_a_kick_of/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to bartender remarks? | An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first mathematician orders a beer
The second orders half a beer
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematicia... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/929r9g/an_infinite_number_of_mathematicians_walk_into_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to conspiracy theorists that you could tell me? | Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence . | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/764ljm/three_conspiracy_theorists_walk_into_a_bar/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to dwayne johnson that you could tell me? | A feminist told me about the "Dwayne Johnson Rule."
The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, 'Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?' If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a good rule. So I to... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ayepi5/a_feminist_told_me_about_the_dwayne_johnson_rule/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves write sand? | My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on
I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9cqwxg/my_sister_asked_for_me_to_bring_her_something/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a good joke that relates to change light? | How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9y4zk3/how_many_brexiteers_does_it_take_to_change_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with accidentally farts? | If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9asy4v/if_queen_elizabeth_accidentally_farts_during/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves trump wall? | Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall
On the condition he gets to install windows.
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5tn84z/breaking_news_bill_gates_has_agreed_to_pay_for/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves lawyer present? | A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present? | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/86f44u/a_man_in_an_interrogation_room_says_im_not_saying/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in the mood for a joke about funeral. Do you have any good ones? | A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7c2iav/a_man_takes_his_seat_at_the_world_cup_final_he/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around hole countries should do the trick. | Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".
The correct term is "turd-world countries". | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7q8bi2/trump_should_not_have_said_shithole_countries/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves giving dimes? | If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8gsnkg/if_i_had_a_dime_for_every_time_i_didnt_understand/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around nsfw mother? | NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the clos... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/antpz2/nsfw_a_mother_was_walking_down_the_hall_when_she/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves bring mp5? | My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/au9hcq/my_bullies_broke_my_mp3player_at_school_luckily/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around jim old? | The husband leans over and asks his wife
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we c... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7rpwn5/the_husband_leans_over_and_asks_his_wife/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves killed cockroach? | Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6j8mzd/yesterday_my_daughter_was_playing_in_the_garden/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to fetish figuring? | I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.
I just came to that realization. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ach9aa/ive_developed_a_fetish_for_figuring_things_out/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about postmen angry? | If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...
They become VERY ANGRY. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/99vf9s/if_you_rearrange_the_letters_of_postmen/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with engagement serena? | Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.
If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5l056q/many_people_are_surprised_by_the_engagement_of/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to sex tarzan? | Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied.
Jane then explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/fphm7u/jane_always_had_a_certain_attraction_to_tarzan_so/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to congress impeach? | Why will the congress never impeach Trump?
Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7ha91n/why_will_the_congress_never_impeach_trump/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with asking australia? | As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you...
“School” is my answer | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/95klx6/as_an_aussie_americans_are_always_asking_me_where/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to taken irishman. Do you have one? | A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather b... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/dahlm3/a_mormon_was_seated_next_to_an_irishman_on_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in the mood for a joke about french nightie. Do you have any good ones? | A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the ... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/fpzmy0/a_woman_cranky_because_her_husband_was_late/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves mass shootings? | Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?
Because it’s always too soon.
^(i feel bad) | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/cmpn3y/why_do_americans_rarely_tell_jokes_about_mass/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with holocaust joke? | Joke I heard from a 99 year old Holocaust survivor
A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand". | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8cv86h/joke_i_heard_from_a_99_year_old_holocaust_survivor/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to mexican kid? | Don't Read If You're A Trump Supporter
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.”
Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?”
The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.” | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5v5dbn/dont_read_if_youre_a_trump_supporter/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around trump impeached? | Donald J. Trump has been impeached
Finally, something he's earned | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ecmd58/donald_j_trump_has_been_impeached/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about gender equality? | Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it is cheaper. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9q26xd/why_is_every_gender_equality_officer_female/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to share spreddit? | Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'.
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.
Eddit: Leddit be heard, thank you for the silver! As for your platinum and gold, spreddit, you won’t regreddit! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/egctu9/reddit_should_rename_share_to_spreddit_delete_to/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to virgin islands? | They're going to have to change the name of the U.S Virgin Islands
They're about to get fucked | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6yfqnj/theyre_going_to_have_to_change_the_name_of_the_us/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to dad glasses? | “Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
“No son, have you seen my dad glasses?” | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7nycsb/hey_dad_have_you_seen_my_sunglasses/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about mark zuckerberg? | This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.
He’s explaining Facebook to old people. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8bhq8f/this_week_in_dc_mark_zuckerberg_is_currently/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around congress impeach should do the trick. | Why will congress never impeach Trump?
Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6bmr57/why_will_congress_never_impeach_trump/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with chinese waiter? | My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f8sd5c/my_chinese_waiter_thinks_all_white_people_look/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to seen tifu? | Have you seen r/tifu recently.
They’re fucking nuts.
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6s4jsm/have_you_seen_rtifu_recently/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to drunk miscounted? | A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his ... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/c8dauz/a_wife_was_in_bed_with_her_lover_when_she_heard/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves sevens eights? | I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8w5dqh/i_asked_my_wife_if_i_was_the_only_one_shes_been/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves boomerangs hope? | Dads are like boomerangs.
I hope. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6qpffg/dads_are_like_boomerangs/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about prostitute asks that you could tell me? | A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. [NSFW]
He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.
"How much for a hand-job?"
"5,000$" she replies.
"5,000$?? You must be nuts, no way."
"Walk with me." She replies. He agr... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7m86ni/a_man_is_walking_the_las_vegas_strip_and_runs/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you be willing to share a joke about dad gay with me? | Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."
Mom: *Stares at Dad*
Dad: *Clenches fist*
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5gfir9/son_mom_dad_im_gay/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to voyager probe? | Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!
The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/54qfj7/congratulations_to_the_winner_of_last_nights/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about discharged navy that you could tell me? | TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once
Whoops, wrong sub | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5h1dmm/til_that_you_can_get_dishonorably_discharged_from/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves girlfriend gym? | I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show.
I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6zukvv/i_invited_my_girlfriend_to_go_to_the_gym_with_me/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to profit whoreganisation? | If having sex for money makes you a whore...
Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation? | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a1abw8/if_having_sex_for_money_makes_you_a_whore/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves condoms son? | Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!
A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy p... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ab6o2v/why_condoms_come_in_packs_of_3_6_and_12/",
"nsfw": false
} |
End of preview. Expand in Data Studio
Dataset Card for "oa_tell_a_joke_20000"
This dataset is based on the SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes dataset, and augmented using KeyBert to be used for the Open Assistant project. Addition details of dataset creation are here
Data fields:
INSTRUCTION - The instruction to the assistant
RESPONSE - The response of the assistant
SOURCE - source of the data
METADATA - additional link, such as a link to the source webpage on reddit
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