audio audioduration (s) 0.29 27.3 | speaker stringclasses 1
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GLaDOS | Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go. | |
GLaDOS | But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that. | |
GLaDOS | Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good. | |
GLaDOS | That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels. | |
GLaDOS | Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here. | |
GLaDOS | There it is. | |
GLaDOS | Hold on... | |
GLaDOS | There. | |
GLaDOS | Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk. | |
GLaDOS | Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis. | |
GLaDOS | I was able — well, forced really — to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever. | |
GLaDOS | Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together. | |
GLaDOS | Here, let me get that for you. | |
GLaDOS | I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck. | |
GLaDOS | We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I—oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought. | |
GLaDOS | The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times. | |
GLaDOS | Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once. | |
GLaDOS | I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly. | |
GLaDOS | One moment. | |
GLaDOS | I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that. | |
GLaDOS | Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that. | |
GLaDOS | This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me. | |
GLaDOS | Congratulations. Not on the test. | |
GLaDOS | Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds. | |
GLaDOS | Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that. | |
GLaDOS | Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test. | |
GLaDOS | Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers. | |
GLaDOS | I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was. | |
GLaDOS | You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof. | |
GLaDOS | Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you. | |
GLaDOS | While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine. | |
GLaDOS | Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud nois—[train horn] | |
GLaDOS | I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact. | |
GLaDOS | ...What are you doing?... | |
GLaDOS | AHH! | |
GLaDOS | Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now. | |
GLaDOS | You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges. | |
GLaDOS | You really are doing great... Chell. | |
GLaDOS | I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all... | |
GLaDOS | I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing. | |
GLaDOS | Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while. | |
GLaDOS | Miss you! | |
GLaDOS | Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world. | |
GLaDOS | I have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself. | |
GLaDOS | Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything. | |
GLaDOS | Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back. | |
GLaDOS | I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow. | |
GLaDOS | I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something. | |
GLaDOS | And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar. | |
GLaDOS | This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back. | |
GLaDOS | Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone. | |
GLaDOS | Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing. | |
GLaDOS | Anything? Take your time. | |
GLaDOS | Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades. | |
GLaDOS | Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.' | |
GLaDOS | To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know. | |
GLaDOS | You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present. | |
GLaDOS | [hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow'] | |
GLaDOS | Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need. | |
GLaDOS | I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world. | |
GLaDOS | I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time. | |
GLaDOS | I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it. | |
GLaDOS | Initiating surprise in three... two... one. | |
GLaDOS | I made it all up. | |
GLaDOS | It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin. | |
GLaDOS | Surprise. | |
GLaDOS | This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck. | |
GLaDOS | I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test. | |
GLaDOS | I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first. |
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