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jokes

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Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse? Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.
Where do you find a quadriplegic? There where you left him.
Don't you just hate it when you are thinking, and.... You lose the game?
There were these two guys having lunch ... There were these two guys having lunch one day when the first guy says to the second one, "You ever say one thing to someone when you meant to say something else?" "How do you mean?" says the second one. "Well last week I was at the airport and I wanted to go to Pittsburg...
I was browsing for new jokes And then I unzipped my pants and had sex with your mother
What do you call a gay Jew? A he-blew.
I know it's illegal for me to cook my own alcohol... But still.
What did the black Jew say to the non-believers? We Israel..
My wife left me after repeatedly spending our entire life savings on penis enlargement surgery.... She couldn't take it any longer.
Where do 4 gay guys go? One Direction
A nurse reaches into her pocket and finds a rectal thermometer... "Ugh, some asshole has my pen", she thought.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor? 8)
Say what you will about that pilot... ...but at least he died doing what German's love most. Mass murdering innocent people.
Das Deutsch knock knock joke German pilots are bad at knock knock jokes. Knock, knock. *silence* Knock, knock. *CRASH* Too soon?
Ouch. I was wondering why the baseball looked like it was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Not so funny after all. Little Jimmy came home from school one day and walked into his parents bedroom, where he saw his mom and dad going at it. Without his mother seeing, Jimmy's dad gave his son a thumbs up and kept on going. The next day Jimmy's father comes home from work and walks into his son's room to see what ...
What an upset manly clock with boobs says to another manly clock with boobs who doesn't arrives in time for their homossexual dating? You man nipple lated me
My parents always said I was artistic. They were very modest, so they only ever whispered it to each other.
I got voted down So I unzipped my pants and had sex with your mother.
What do you call a painter with a mental disability? An autist.
What do you call a flying Jew? Smoke
Why is the white girl so odd? Because she can't even. I'll be over in /r/dadjokes if you need me.
Courtesy of my ECON professor Two men decide to go fishing on a Saturday. They rent equipment, take off early in the morning and enjoy a relaxing day out on the water. Unfortunately, they only catch one fish apiece. On the ride home, they share their disappointment. The first man says, "You know, with all the money...
My butt buddy Al is gone... Anal beads back in a few minutes.
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Confucius say man who farts in church sit in pew.
I have a rude joke about Canadians! Sorry?
Can you imagine a conversation with an atheist, feminist, crossfiting, vegan redditor? Neither can i...
A man received the following text from his neighbour.... I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope...
BAD LAWYER Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? A: Senator.
Did you hear about the FedEx lady who had a baby? (DAD JOKE) Supposedly she had to rush the delivery!
With Zyan Malik leaving 1D.. *zyan malik or whatever leaves 1d. *Kayne West gets in. *kicks everyone out of the band. *there's room for only 1 direction homie. *it's West.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when invited to the musician themed costume party? I'll be Bach
The Moth Joke So a moth goes into a podiatrists office. "Come in," says the podiatrist, "What's the problem?" The moth drops down into the nearest chair and says "What's the problem? I don't even know where to start. First of all, my boss is a vicious tyrant who gets off on the petty torments he puts me through day...